Education and why I screwed up….

Everyone knows how important education is, how you can’t get far in life without some form of school qualifications. 

I do have GCSE’S, they’re passes but not great and if I’m honest I’m ashamed of them.

You see, I screwed up my education and it’s something, only now 10years on that I truly regret it.

When I first started Secondary School, I did well. Was getting A’s and B’s. Then things happened at home.  Within a few years, parents divorced, mother moved new boyfriend in to the house and we were told to “like it or lump it”. 

Towards the end of my schooling, I met my first “proper” boyfriend…but he turned out to be a jerk, like many 15year old boys are. Having broken up in the summer holidays, I returned to my final year of school. In the first few weeks back, I just remember not wanting to be there. A certain childish boy had decided it would be funny to spread rumours about me, and obviously the taunts started. Within 3weeks of being back at school, in my most important year, I stopped going. I couldn’t face him, the rumours or the talking behind my back. I was a 16year old girl with what felt like the world on my shoulders and couldn’t handle it anymore. 

My mum soon gave up trying to get me to school. The school tried to get me back, but the longer I wasn’t there, the harder it was to return. 

I agreed to return shortly after the Christmas holidays. I had missed a good 4/5months of schooling, and had to drop a couple of lessons to enable me to spend more time catching up on the mandatory lessons. 

Things still weren’t right at home, but I did sit my GCSE’s. The highest result I achieved was ‘C’ grades. I know I could have done so much better if I had not made the hasty decision. 

I didn’t stick around to do A levels, another decision I regret. Instead, I decided to go straight out to work and took an administration job for a freight company. (I did meet my now husband at the company so I can’t really complain too much).

I had always been interested in Law and Medicine, but obviously not having good enough grades and no A levels, getting to University would be a struggle. So, I decided to go to night school. There I spent a year doing my Access to Higher Education Nursing Pathway course. I studied Sociology, Psychology and Health. 

By this point, I was working at a hospital as an Auxillary Nurse, and my dream was to become a Midwife. I completed the course, and applied to University. But again, it” was not meant to be as I discovered I was pregnant. I decided that I would defer and apply again once I had had the baby. As usual, things didn’t go as planned and our 2nd child joined us just 17months later. 

I ended up leaving the job I liked, purely for financial reasons. Childcare is a fortune and relatives were reluctant to look after 2small children. So, I returned to work full time in an office doing Customer Service. I was there for 2 years, and I did enjoy my job, but again finances got in the way and it became too expensive to pay nursery/childminder fees. 

I was fortunate enough, that we were in a position where I could stay at home….but, I feel like a failure to my children. 

I screwed up my education, I have no real qualifications, I’ve no real career path and it was all my fault. 

If I had stuck at school, done my A-levels, gone to University and done something with my life before starting a family, I feel, I would be a bit happier with myself. But then, if I did not make the choices I did, I would not have met my husband and would or have had my kids. 

I now spend my time looking after my children, dreaming of things I can do. I would love to be my own boss….doing what, I’m not sure yet. I need to get more confident in myself first. Until then….I’ll continue to be “mummy” and I won’t let my children make the same mistakes I did!

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